I was in the garden this afternoon, when I noticed two blue bottle flies shagging on a leaf. Well, it is spring. One of the flies decided to take flight and the pair of them, still adjoined, tumbled down into a wispy cobweb. I grabbed my camera, expecting an incredulous spider to arrive ready to parcel them up.
Did they escape? Were they eaten by a spider? I filmed the ensuing drama and you can watch all 49 seconds of it below. If you've ever wondered what a shagged out fly looks like, watch 'til the end.
Sunday, 12 May 2019
Sex and Death: Two Flies Shagging In A Cobweb
Thursday, 3 January 2019
The death of creativity
I wrote this 14.3.2004 but thought I'd paste it here before AI claims copyright.
Location:
Typing pool
Typing
pool?
Bear
with me.
Typewriters: Infinite
Typewriters: Infinite
Typewriters?
OK,
PCs: Infinite
Monkeys:
Infinite
Monkeys?
Primates:
Extinct now. Hairy. Can’t type.
Can’t
type?
They’re
not so much typing as hitting keys at random, that’s the point.
Time
allowed: Infinite
Expected results: The entire works of Shakespeare
plus every other piece of literature that could possibly be written ever.
(Includes drivel; magazine articles; biographies including those of people not
yet born; major works of fiction; drama and philosophy; all text books except
those including mathematical formulae; dogma; manifestos; TV listings pages;
occasional recipes and LOTS of poetry, infinite amounts of it, in fact all the
poetry you could ever write and more). So, do you think you can build it?
No
problem.
Can
you build it, run it then publish and copyright its entire output?
Yup.
And
how long will this take?
Hmmm.
Give me a month.
Tuesday, 4 December 2018
Naughty Not Nice Christmas Stocking Filler
NSFW. NOT SUITABLE FOR CHILDREN OR ANYONE WHO ENJOYS THE FESTIVE SEASON.
Track List
I Hate Christmas by Proud Failures
Christmas Jumper Friday by Hemming Tong
Merry Christmas by The Bombshelter Brigade (free download)
Snowman by The Kettle Ons
I Hate Christmas by Beer and Pretzels
I Hate Christmas by earwigs
I Hate Christmas by Snap-her
I Hate Christmas by William Baldwin, Matthew Frank
All i want for christmas is shit by The Toilet
Foggerton eats a Tory For Xmas by Norris Nuvo
Just Say 'No' To Christmas by HT and OJ
Happy New Year by Hemming Tong
Friday, 19 October 2018
Halloween Countdown: 12 Days 'til Halloween...
Buy here:
Monday, 1 October 2018
Halloween Playlist 2018
Cloud Waste and the Calf - Phantasmagoria
https://cloudwasteandthecalf.bandcamp.com/track/phantasmagoria
Lucky Oddy - Three Wolf Moon
https://luckyoddy.bandcamp.com/track/three-wolf-moon
Egyptian Lover - Zombies
https://www.juno.co.uk/artists/Egyptian+Lover/
HNN - L'écran vert
https://hnnmusic.bandcamp.com/track/l-cran-vert
Lebanon Hanover - Gallowdance
https://lebanonhanover.bandcamp.com/track/gallowdance
Die Jungen - Do be Scared
https://diejungen.bandcamp.com/track/do-be-scared
Alesia Cosmos - The Last Line
No buy link but check out their bandcamp here: https://alsiacosmos.bandcamp.com/album/exclusivo
Flies on You - It Creeps
https://fliesonyou.bandcamp.com/track/it-creeps
In Death It Ends - Infinite End
https://aufnahmeundwiedergabe.bandcamp.com/track/infinite-end
Lebanon Hanover - Midnight Creature
https://lebanonhanover.bandcamp.com/track/midnight-creature
Kas Product - Devil Fellow
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/by-pass/569425830
She Past Away - Ritüel
https://shepastawayofficial.bandcamp.com/track/rit-el
Ladytron - Light and Magic
https://itunes.apple.com/us/album/light-magic/436572852
Solemn Shapes - Loss
https://solemnshapes.bandcamp.com/track/loss
Klaxons - Four Horsemen of 2012
Google it.
Fun Boy Three - The Lunatics Have Taken Over The Asylum
Google it.
Klaxons - Four Horsemen of 2012 (continued)
Google it.
Flies On You - Shipmanesque
https://fliesonyou.bandcamp.com/track/shipmanesque
Pixies - Dead
Google it.
Fat Mess - Gary Glitter
https://fatmess.bandcamp.com/track/gary-glitter
The Cramps - Surfin Dead
Google it.
Scroll Free September
Stuff I did during the month of September instead of gawping at social media for hours on end.
Extended this piece of experimental music from a while back because it was too short.
Extended this piece of experimental music from a while back because it was too short.
Put together some visuals for said tune using my new camera - thanks Owen!
Took some pictures and made this gif.
Took loads more pics - these are just a few.
Did lots of other things that were vastly more uplifting than getting sucked into the madness that is social media, though none of those things are particularly worthy of note, so I will keep them to myself. Needless to say, I will probably share the fruits of my time offline once I get back on to facebook and twitter, but I feel better for taking a step back and doing something creative for its own sake. Likes and shares are nice, but not essential.
Sunday, 16 September 2018
Thursday, 1 March 2018
Vegan Sausage Plait
I can't take credit for this recipe; my Mum came up with it after seeing a meaty version on a TV foodie show. I'm posting this for the benefit of a friend. I'm not a professional recipe writer, so attempt it yourself at your own risk.
Ingredients
1 sheet ready rolled puff pastry
(These vary between 320g Jus Rol to 375g Sainsbury's own brand. Either will do as this recipe doesn't require precision. Alternatively, you can make your own pastry using vegan margarine. This recipe is fine with shortcrust pastry or puff pastry.)
2 Vegetarian oxo cubes
1 packet of 6 Linda McCartney's sausages, (or whatever sausages you like).
1 packet sage and onion stuffing (85g)
1 large onion
Vegan margarine - large heaped dessert spoon sized dollop
Oil for cooking onion / greasing baking tray / glazing pastry (mixed with a dash of soya milk)
You will also need a large baking try to assemble the plait on in addition to run-of-the-mill kitchenalia required for preparation. [See, I said I wasn't a professional food writer].
Method
Pre-heat oven to 180 C / 350 F / Google it for gas.
Finely chop the onion and fry it in some oil until it is soft.
While the onion is cooking, prepare the dry stuffing mix as per the instructions on the packet but dissolve the two oxo cubes into the boiled water to add extra flavour. Add the large dollop of margarine and the cooked onion to stuffing and mix thoroughly. I don't add any other seasoning because the sausages are quite salty and the oxo cubes are quite savoury, but you can if you want to.
Next, grease your baking tray with oil and unroll the pastry. Put the pastry on the tray and spread HALF of the stuffing mixture onto the pastry (see my fabulous diagram below - I'd have taken photos of the whole process if I'd realised I was going to do this blog).
Don't use all of the stuffing as you need to keep some to cover the sausages. Next, arrange the sausages on top of the stuffing layer. Use a knife or scissors to score or cut the pastry in readiness for plaiting. If you can't be bothered with plaiting, re-name the dish 'Sausage Wellington' and just roll it up once you've assembled the filling. [Why make life hard if you're not feeling like a crafter?]
Cover the sausages with the remaining stuffing mixture - see diagram below. You can then plait the pastry across the top of the stuffing, or roll it up if you've opted to make the wellington.
Once you've finished this, mix a small amount of sunflower oil with some soya milk to glaze the top of the pastry. This will make it go a nice golden brown, but is not essential.
Cook for between 35 - 45 minutes in a pre-heated oven at 180 C
If you find that the pastry is getting too brown too quickly you can cover it with foil so that it doesn't burn.
Here's my finished version. It goes well with a roast dinner and gravy and is also nice cold with salad or HP sauce, chips and beans. YUM. Post a comment if you have any questions or think I've missed anything.
I made some rose buds using the left over pastry for this one that I served up on Christmas Day. My Mum and Owen, independently of each other, both said, "Oooo, I like your snails." I don't know why I bother.
Here's another plait recipe that I found that has better pictures than mine. I haven't made this myself though.
http://www.cheapveganchick.com/blog/vegan-sausage-pastry-plait-recipe-with-step-by-step-photos
Ingredients
1 sheet ready rolled puff pastry
(These vary between 320g Jus Rol to 375g Sainsbury's own brand. Either will do as this recipe doesn't require precision. Alternatively, you can make your own pastry using vegan margarine. This recipe is fine with shortcrust pastry or puff pastry.)
2 Vegetarian oxo cubes
1 packet of 6 Linda McCartney's sausages, (or whatever sausages you like).
1 packet sage and onion stuffing (85g)
1 large onion
Vegan margarine - large heaped dessert spoon sized dollop
Oil for cooking onion / greasing baking tray / glazing pastry (mixed with a dash of soya milk)
You will also need a large baking try to assemble the plait on in addition to run-of-the-mill kitchenalia required for preparation. [See, I said I wasn't a professional food writer].
Method
Pre-heat oven to 180 C / 350 F / Google it for gas.
Finely chop the onion and fry it in some oil until it is soft.
While the onion is cooking, prepare the dry stuffing mix as per the instructions on the packet but dissolve the two oxo cubes into the boiled water to add extra flavour. Add the large dollop of margarine and the cooked onion to stuffing and mix thoroughly. I don't add any other seasoning because the sausages are quite salty and the oxo cubes are quite savoury, but you can if you want to.
Next, grease your baking tray with oil and unroll the pastry. Put the pastry on the tray and spread HALF of the stuffing mixture onto the pastry (see my fabulous diagram below - I'd have taken photos of the whole process if I'd realised I was going to do this blog).
Don't use all of the stuffing as you need to keep some to cover the sausages. Next, arrange the sausages on top of the stuffing layer. Use a knife or scissors to score or cut the pastry in readiness for plaiting. If you can't be bothered with plaiting, re-name the dish 'Sausage Wellington' and just roll it up once you've assembled the filling. [Why make life hard if you're not feeling like a crafter?]
Cover the sausages with the remaining stuffing mixture - see diagram below. You can then plait the pastry across the top of the stuffing, or roll it up if you've opted to make the wellington.
Once you've finished this, mix a small amount of sunflower oil with some soya milk to glaze the top of the pastry. This will make it go a nice golden brown, but is not essential.
Cook for between 35 - 45 minutes in a pre-heated oven at 180 C
If you find that the pastry is getting too brown too quickly you can cover it with foil so that it doesn't burn.
Here's my finished version. It goes well with a roast dinner and gravy and is also nice cold with salad or HP sauce, chips and beans. YUM. Post a comment if you have any questions or think I've missed anything.
I made some rose buds using the left over pastry for this one that I served up on Christmas Day. My Mum and Owen, independently of each other, both said, "Oooo, I like your snails." I don't know why I bother.
http://www.cheapveganchick.com/blog/vegan-sausage-pastry-plait-recipe-with-step-by-step-photos
Friday, 21 October 2016
Helên Tingle's Halloween Treat 2016.
This Corrosion - Sisters of Mercy BUY HERE
Spellbound - Siouxsie and The Banshees BUY HERE
Mourir c'est nul - Infecticide BUY HERE
Neurotic Zombie -
Tart 82 NO BUY LINK AVAILABLE
Zombie Shark - Geneva Jacuzzi NO BUY LINK AVAILABLE. LISTEN ON SPOTIFY
The Crucifix - John Maus BUY HERE
Sex Vampire - UN BUY HERE
For Whom The Bell Tolls - Fad Gadget BUY HERE
Tainted Love - Skinny Puppy NO BUY LINK AVAILABLE
Deathwish - Christian Death BUY HERE
Death Disco - Public Image Limited BUY HERE
The Holy Hour - The Cure BUY HERE
Who Killed Mr. Moonlight? - Bauhaus BUY HERE
Zombie Sheep - Pusbunny NO BUY LINK - LISTEN HERE
Six Eyes From Hell - Monte Cazazza NO BUY LINK AVAILABLE
Biomutanten - Les Vampyrettes BUY HERE
Aperitif De
La Mort - Liaisons Dangereuses BUY HERE
Movement
of Fear - Tones On Tail BUY HERE
Holland
Tunnel Drive - Implog BUY HERE
Nothing
- IX BUY HERE
Wednesday, 13 January 2016
Polar Fleece
Polar Fleece: "An unknown baby travels in the womb of its mountaineer
mother whose i-pod sounds have rendered her oblivious to her avalanche
destiny."
Labels:
ambient,
dark,
experimental,
micro-fiction,
soundscape
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